Jasiri

down in the deep dark depths of despair i dwell,
cloaked in a curtain of fear,
and from where i stand these days look dim.

the future holds no resolution;
i look and i catch a glimpse of more dreary days,
bringing torrents of thunderous rain.
at times i feel ashamed of these depressing thoughts,
so a master of disguise i become to deceive those who hold expectations above my head,
and lately it has become a chore to pull my languid body out of bed.
because in my dreams, my wonderful dreams–
no longer dealing with decisions that could send me into damnation,
i reside in a dimension where there is no demand for perfection.
everything just IS!

and the law of relativity ceases to exist,
absolutism takes over and i become love, pure love.
i awake and i am drunk with this feeling of love.
but then sobriety set in and the esoteric realms vanish from my mind,
and i open my eyes,
but i become increasingly blind.

now i had my doubts about putting this pain on paper for fear of the expression you might display on your face,
but i know that you too, at times, feel doomed to compete in this perpetual rat race.
and there is still hope for me yet, i have not accepted defeat,
because i know that one day my dreams will become reality.
but right now i am in dire need of a drink of love, and a drop of happiness, and i feel like i’m drowning if i can’t be free.
so you see,
that is why i dream.

now i will leave you with these words as i drift,
into another dimension of pure bliss.

So I know this poem is depressing. I wrote it several years ago when I was in a very dark place in my life. I was experiencing what Iyanla Vanzant calls “a valley.” I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I look at myself today and it’s hard to believe that I was ever that person who wrote this poem. So this is for all of those who believe it will never get better. Tomorrow’s a new day. Allow your metamorphosis to take place, even if it’s painful. The resulting transformation can be so beautiful.

*photo used under creative commons noncommercial 1.0 license