On the first day of NaBloPoMo, I stated that I would primarily focus on the subject of single motherhood for this month. Well, I often struggle with how far I should go when posting about my personal life. Since my blog is not anonymous, I don’t reveal too much. But I’m wondering if there are single mothers (or fathers) reading who can relate to my situation. My story is all too common, and it’s really unfortunate. My daughter’s father does not support her, neither emotionally nor financially. This whole concept is foreign to me (as it pertains to my personal life) because although my parents divorced when I was young, my dad was a central figure in my life. My fondest childhood memories are of outings, road trips, and just fun times in general, had with my daddy. I get my love of nature and music from him; my quirkiness, free-spiritedness and argumentative rebellious personality all come from him. As a little girl, I made him mud pies and he would happily (pretend) gobble them up. He would never get angry when I spit in his trumpet after trying so hard to squeeze out a note. My sisters and I would walk on his back after he returned home from a hard day’s work. And we felt so proud that we were making daddy’s back feel better by massaging it with our teeny little feet. I love my daddy. And even during those difficult years, when there was tension between us, he’s never failed me. He’s always been there for me, even when I didn’t make it easy to be there for. He is my definition of a man. So you can see why I would be so confused. How could a man (or woman) not be available for their child(ren)? More than anything, it is very disappointing. I don’t dwell on this often. Every now and again the hurt bubbles to the surface. But it’s not hurt because of my situation. I am more than capable of providing the love and security that my sweetie needs. I feel pain knowing that she will not have that beautiful father-daughter relationship that I was, and still am, truly blessed to have. Sometimes I get really angry. But time heals all wounds, and with each day I learn to push through the anger and begin to understand it’s his loss, not ours.
Hm - these posts really make me rethink many of the difficult times- I have had while growing up - no matter how we look at it - our parents and family determines our childhood years and those years impact on the rest of our lives.
I am still not sure how one finds complete peace - since I have no ways of sitting down and discussing all these issues with my family even though I feel it’d be so important to do so …
Szavanna’s last blog post..IE problems
I’m sorry. Wasn’t trying to be too depressing, but it’s sort of therapeutic to air some of this. It’s kind of like sending it in the wind, and then I feel a little more free. In the past, I would talk to my girlfriend and it always made me feel better. But I lost her almost 2 years ago. I’m constantly trying to figure out a way to achieve peace and understand that it comes from within…and i can’t rely on others to make me feel happy or at peace.
And yes the childhood years are very important. If something traumatic occurs during the primary socialization years, it can really scar you for life!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend…what little that’s left of it
I think - it is very important to talk about this topic - actually I am happy you do - since I feel - as u say - it makes you feel free to be able to say how you feel.
hm apologies for writing some of these gloomy comments - hope they do help others as well to find solutions …
Many of your posts make me think about issues that really matter in life - so I am happy your write about them!
Szavanna’s last blog post..IE problems