Jasiri

Apparently, because I’m a single mother, I’m supposed to be distressed, sorrowful, and full of pain because I don’t have a husband to care and provide for me and my poor, poor child. Yes, that was intended to be read melodramatically. Ok, I’m sorry but I didn’t get the “dejected single mothers” newsletter, so I’ve not been following that script.

This post has been brewing in my mind for some time, and my brain has only just decided to give my fingers the go ahead because of a recent conversation with a friend. This friend, Mike, is also a single parent albeit a single dad. This shouldn’t make a difference, but sadly it does. Mike and I have had numerous conversations about the trials and tribulations of doing the solo parenting thing. We found there’s much that we both relate to. One thing that differs is others’ perception of our respective situations. While I get the “Awww, you’re a single mother,” or “That’s too bad you’re doing it by yourself,” Mike is commended for stepping up and accepting sole responsibility for raising his son.

My two former neighbors, both married SAHMs, would talk to me with such pity in their voices. And they were always trying to give me things, which felt more like charity than plain old heartfelt goodness. I believe they thought I was younger than I really am — like a 19 or 20-year old. Nope. Not me. I’m a 27-year old, college educated, soon to be professional (fingers crossed) woman who happens to also be a single mother. Of course the ideal situation would be to have two stable, married, loving parents — and if we’re talking about ideal then I’ll also throw in: six-figure income, private school, suburban house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and little Toto playing in the backyard. Come on, in 2007 families who look like that are slowly becoming the minority. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with the aforementioned family type, but I want to highlight how people place so much emphasis on appearance (and of course the double standard with single mothers and fathers). What’s important — what I consider the most important aspects of family — is providing love, time, attention, and education to your children. I’m doing this, and laying the groundwork for a compassionate, honest, critical thinker that I’m hoping my daughter will become. That is what’s important.