On the first day of NaBloPoMo, I stated that I would primarily focus on the subject of single motherhood for this month. Well, I often struggle with how far I should go when posting about my personal life. Since my blog is not anonymous, I don’t reveal too much. But I’m wondering if there are single mothers (or fathers) reading who can relate to my situation. My story is all too common, and it’s really unfortunate. My daughter’s father does not support her, neither emotionally nor financially. This whole concept is foreign to me (as it pertains to my personal life) because although my parents divorced when I was young, my dad was a central figure in my life. My fondest childhood memories are of outings, road trips, and just fun times in general, had with my daddy. I get my love of nature and music from him; my quirkiness, free-spiritedness and argumentative rebellious personality all come from him. As a little girl, I made him mud pies and he would happily (pretend) gobble them up. He would never get angry when I spit in his trumpet after trying so hard to squeeze out a note. My sisters and I would walk on his back after he returned home from a hard day’s work. And we felt so proud that we were making daddy’s back feel better by massaging it with our teeny little feet. I love my daddy. And even during those difficult years, when there was tension between us, he’s never failed me. He’s always been there for me, even when I didn’t make it easy to be there for. He is my definition of a man. So you can see why I would be so confused. How could a man (or woman) not be available for their child(ren)? More than anything, it is very disappointing. I don’t dwell on this often. Every now and again the hurt bubbles to the surface. But it’s not hurt because of my situation. I am more than capable of providing the love and security that my sweetie needs. I feel pain knowing that she will not have that beautiful father-daughter relationship that I was, and still am, truly blessed to have. Sometimes I get really angry. But time heals all wounds, and with each day I learn to push through the anger and begin to understand it’s his loss, not ours.
In light of the recent scare involving lead contaminated toys, I decided to conduct an experiment. I placed my daughter on the floor (her favorite pastime is rolling or scooting from one end of the floor to the next), placed a wooden spoon and a brightly colored plastic something or other in front of her, then stood back to see which object she would go for. The wooden spoon was in her mouth in less than 5 seconds, and she was gnawing away and looking pretty satisfied. Ok, ok…I know, not a very scientific experiement. Perhaps she went for the spoon because she’s teething. Currently she likes anything that she can put in her mouth…which is EVERYTHING! But I wrote this to make a point, one that focuses on her satisfaction with the mundane, simplicity, and not the gadgets and trends. She doesn’t really know the difference. If I choose not to purchase the big shiny plastic contraptions with the whistles and “beep-beeps,” she would probably be content with banging away on a pot or pan with her favorite wooden spoon 
This weekend I’m getting a much needed break. My mom’s taking Baby N for the weekend to give me some relaxation time. Typically when I put Baby N down for her naps my mind goes into race mode. What should I do first? I could throw some laundry in the washer, wash the pile of dishes from the night before, get some serious work done on the computer, bathe myself, or eat. So many tasks to choose from, so little time. So when my mom offered to watch the baby I began to think of how many chores I could actually finish around the house. Then I stopped and thought, “Why am I thinking of doing laundry when this is the first time in five months that I’ll be alone.” Five months? Let me explain that one. I could not leave my sweetie with anyone for extended periods of time because she absolutely would not take a bottle. Only recently when I sought answers to how I could get an “attached to the breast” baby to transition to the bottle, did I discover Playtex bottles and nipples. It’s like she didn’t even know how to suck the previous bottles I tried, but she took right to the Playtex bottles. She’s not yet a pro, and I still primarily feed her directly from my breast. But maybe this weekend will change things. I have to make some changes soon anyway because I will be returning to school (last semester, yay!) as well as beginning a new job in one month’s time. She will have no choice but to drink from the bottle all day 
Anyway, back to the original subject of this post. I’ll be free in approximately 12 hours…so what to do? I still haven’t decided. I’ll probably end up sleeping the entire weekend. Goodness knows I need it!
Oh yeah, this past Tuesday Baby N ate solid food for the first time. It was oatmeal mixed with milk. I think she enjoyed it…just look at that grin.
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