Well, I’ve come across just another example of the disparity in the treatment of males and females in this world. The following comes from Leora Tanenbaum’s book, Slut! Growing Up Female With a Bad Reputation. The words written in bold are terms that I have added.
Positive Expressions For a Sexually Active Man
- stud
- player
- stallion
- ladies’ man
- the man
- Romeo
- Don Juan
- Casanova
- bounder
- gigolo
- lover
- lover man/boy
- pimp (this term is negative in my opinion, but with the present “pimp” fad I thought it would be appropriate to include it here)
- catdaddy (I just heard this one on the Wendy Williams Experience. She referred to Lionel Ritchie as a catdaddy)
Positive Expressions For a Sexually Active Woman
Negative Expressions For a Sexually Active Man
- womanizer
- wolf
- dog
- “can’t keep it in his pants”
- philanderer
Negative Expressions For a Sexually Active Woman
- slut
- whore
- tramp
- ho
- bitch
- hoochie mama
- pig
- prostitute
- hood rat
- hooker
- nympho
- harlot
- hussy
- tart
- bimbo
- floozy
- cunt
- vixen
- minx
- loose woman
- fallen woman
- naughty girl/woman
- vamp
- wench
- slattern
- Jezebel
- strumpet
- skank
- sleaze
- slag
- sexpot
Why do we feel the need to police women’s sexuality and assign degrading terms to sexually active women. God forbid a woman acts as if she enjoys sex, because then she is often looked upon with suspicion by her lover. We’re not non-sexual beings. Can we stop rewarding men for their sexual behavior while at the same time punishing women for theirs?
Today I was reading the magazine, Lamaze Parents. In the “President’s Letter” section of the mag, Raymond De Vries, PhD pointed out the distinction between the phrases women use when they are going to give birth. He “studied maternity care in the Netherlands where one-third of women give birth at home.
There I learned that while we who speak English say, “I am having a baby,” in Dutch the expression is, “I am getting a baby.”…When we “have” a baby, we are inclined to arrange the experience to suit our needs. But when we “get” a baby, both the baby and the birth are gifts we are given. Like all gifts, they offer us the chance to be surprised, to be thankful, and to learn a little bit more about who we are.
I found this entire passage relevant to a growing trend in our society–that of scheduled c-sections for non-medical reasons. I’m all for a woman’s right to choose, but I don’t understand why so many women are choosing this option. I don’t think people understand that this is major surgery, and with this surgery comes a longer recuperation time.
I love the idea of saying For me, it is more appropriate to say, “I am getting a baby” rather than “I am having a baby.” Even though this can be a stressful and challenging time in a woman’s life, “getting” a baby is a precious gift; an experience that no man can ever have, and not even all women can, or will, have. The article only mentioned these two examples but I would love to hear from women (or men) of other cultures about how one would say this in their respective language.
I came across an interesting fact the other day. In 1979, the United Nations adopted The Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW).
…it defines what constitutes discrimination against women and sets up an agenda for national action to end such discrimination.
Of the 192 member States of the United Nations, 184 are party to the Convention.
By accepting the Convention, States commit themselves to undertake a series of measures to end discrimination against women in all forms…
Ok, so here is where the interesting fact comes in. The United States is not included in the over 90% of States who are party to the Convention.
The convention is the only human rights treaty which affirms the reproductive rights of women…Countries that have ratified or acceded to the Convention are legally bound to put its provisions into practice.
So I’m back to that interesting fact. The United States has signed, “but not ratified, the treaty therefore it is not bound to put the provisions of the treaty into practice.” Now I’m wondering about the reasons for the U.S. refusal to become party to the Convention. If we were party, would that mean women would no longer have to worry about the threat of Roe v. Wade being overturned? Things that make you go–hmmm?
Last year I was introduced to the works of Frances E.W. Harper, a poet and activist of the 19th and early 20th century. A phenomenal woman who boldly addressed a crowd of white women when she delivered her speech, “We Are All Bound Up Together,” at the Eleventh Women’s Rights Convention in 1866. Her speech captured my attention because of its unapologetic discussion of race, gender, and class discrimination. Despite her limited human rights, Harper exhibited great depth and wisdom as she used the Convention as a platform to explain the ripple effect of injustice. When one person suffers, we all suffer–we’re just not all aware of the universal connection.
1866? A woman? A black woman? A black woman born in the South? How many of us know of this extraordinary woman who was one of the nineteenth century’s best-known African American writers and activists? One of my former history professors urged students to recognize that blacks were agents of historical change, and therefore critical in the formation of this country, its economic growth, as well as in the abolition of chattel slavery. In grade school I was taught–we came from Africa, we were slaves, and then Abraham Lincoln freed us. How bad is that to a young person’s psyche when they’re taught that they descended from a sea of nameless, faceless slaves? Besides the usual group of five we’re taught about during Black History Month, what about David Walker, Ira Aldridge, Prince Hall, and so many others I’ve yet to learn about.
Writers such as Harper should not be limited to the classrooms of Women’s Literature, African American Literature, or African American history. After-all, Harper stated, “We are all bound up together in one great bundle of humanity, and society cannot trample on the weakest and feeblest of its members without receiving the curse in its own soul.” Isn’t that a quote we should all live by?
Thank you to all those, past and present, who are artists, writers, activists, musicians, freedom fighters–who inspire me to THINK FREE.
(originally uploaded by nelsononline)
yesterday i had a vision
today i planted a seed
tomorrow i’ll birth a nation
and you’ll still slaughter me.
belly round like infinity
veins thick like roots
able to provide sustenance from my own body–
yet they’ll still crush me.
dreams of prophecy abound
and i tell them what i see
just a woman so i’m pushed back into secrecy.
follow me on this journey
i’m stronger than you think
tomorrow i’ll birth a nation…
so why today do you wish to slaughter me?
Think!
dedicated to all women of the world
(originally uploaded by Chriggy)
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